


the weight on your shoulders is heavier than the ball in your hands

by ffslynch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Captain Yamaguchi Tadashi, M/M, Mentor/Protégé, sort of lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28088826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffslynch/pseuds/ffslynch
Summary: Yamaguchi never thought of himself as a leader, and becomes anxious at the idea if becoming team captain. Kuroo understands the feeling all too well.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	the weight on your shoulders is heavier than the ball in your hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jellyfic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfic/gifts).



> Inspired by this tweet by [Yanka](https://twitter.com/yankasmiles/status/1256973769047830528?s=20)! Thank you for allowing me to write this! I hope I did justice to your original idea.
> 
> This fic is also a Christmas gift for [Noémie](https://twitter.com/_no0emiie)! You have got to be one of the sweetest, most amazing person that I know, and yes I know I wrote you a birthday gift not too long ago and this is also kind of an excuse for me to write two of my favourite characters - I just got lucky that they are also your favourite characters, and you liked this concept as much as I did. I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful end of the year and holiday season, and that you enjoy this fic! <3
> 
> (Also, a huge thanks to Catt for beta reading this me!)

Yamaguchi had always found comfort in repeating patterns - things happening again and again, until they became white noise, muscle memory. By the time he turns 17, his last year of high school, he has been playing volleyball for almost a decade. The sound of the worn leather hitting the ground or walls, again and again, evokes a sense of familiarity that calms him down, guiding him through his anxieties as he stands alone on the court. 

Somewhere, on the building adjacent to the court, his teammates are huddled together around hot chocolate and other treats. It’s the last night of this year Tokyo Winter training camp, a recent tradition, and they would all be leaving back home tomorrow around noon. After their last match of the day, and that all of Karasuno had showered and got ready, Ennoshita had called for a team meeting before they could leave to eat. 

“Well, as you know, graduation is in two months. That means I’ve spent the past few weeks watching you in order to decide who I wanted to indicate to be the next captain.” The current captain says, and the whole room holds their breath. Ennoshita takes a breath before starting to talk again, going on about what were the unofficial requirements for the position.

“A good captain is someone who is aware of his surroundings and his team’s necessities. Someone who is able to get their teammates to focus on the present, and is sharp-minded enough to keep disasters from happening. Who is self-aware, good at communicating, and a positive influence on others. Who is brave and can be incisive when needed, but also respectful and understanding.” He said. The rest of the team stays silent, simply nodding and paying attention to what he’s saying. It’s nothing new, not really - they could easily recognize those qualities in almost, if not all, captains they had had or met. In the end, it’s always a matter of simply finding someone who was the best fit for the team, who could guide them in order to turn their ambitions into reality or inspire those who didn’t have any ambition at all.

“With all that in mind,” Ennoshita says, and the oxygen in everyone’s lungs is put on pause once again “I appoint Yamaguchi Tadashi as the next team captain.”

Yamaguchi blinks once, and then twice. Surely he heard wrong. Or maybe he’s daydreaming. Maybe he got too distracted and lost Ennoshita’s real announcement and now he’s just being delusional. At least that’s what he thinks until he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks to the side and Tsukishima is watching him, a smirk on his lips as if he knows what Yamaguchi is thinking, but also as he knew that this was a long time coming.

“I support it,” he says, and Yamaguchi is surprised to hear a ‘me too’ leave Kageyama’s lips right after.

“Same here!” Hinata says, jumping in the back of the room. More words of support come out of the rest of the team, and even a few of the seniors. Yamaguchi looks up to see Yachi smiling at him, eyes lightly wet with something that he recognizes to be pride.

‘Oh. This is really happening’ he thinks. He gulps, before nodding and bowing to the rest of the team.

“Thank you so much for the opportunity. I promise I will not let you down!” He says, and the team cheers. Ennoshita clasps a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, giving him a smile.

“Looks like it’s official then,” he says. “Ok, we can talk about the choice for the vice-captain later. Now, it’s dinner time!”

Tanaka and Nishinoya cheer, leading the rest of the team out of the room, and then the building, towards the one where the cafeteria is located. Yamaguchi walks behind them and starts slowing his pace as they approach. Tsukishima turns back to him, eyebrows furrowed in a silent question.

“I, uh, forgot something. Go ahead, I’ll catch up” he spits out a lie, before turning around and quickly walking away. Instead of going back to the dorms, he finds himself in one of the closed courts again - the same one in which they had played their games during the morning. 

And now here he was, repeatedly throwing the ball against the wall, practising drills and repeating the words ‘captain’, over and over inside his head. 

Yamaguchi was going to be team captain. Did he even deserve that? How could he possibly be the person that takes the role and responsibility for his team loss? To inspire them? 

Daichi was caring, responsible and understanding. But he was also terrifying - everyone respected Daichi and got white at the idea of disappointing him or getting him angry.

Ennoshita hadn’t been much different - he was the only one able to control Tanaka and Nishinoya for a reason. At the same time, his peaceful and calm personality had always been more than enough to gather respect and the affection of the whole team.

Yamaguchi didn’t think he could one-up that. He didn’t think he could ever be on that level. He was shy, and his hands sweat too much whenever he had to do public speaking, and he couldn’t possibly imagine someone fearing him or even the rowdy first years respecting him, seeing him as captain. The shoes were too big for him to fill. He couldn’t do this.

Yamaguchi’s train of thought was interrupted by the sound of someone opening the heavy metal doors. He looked over his shoulder and blinked surprised as he watched Kuroo Tetsurou, the old Nekoma captain, walking in.

“Thought you would be here!” Kuroo says as he approached, the same slightly insolent face expression he always had. “Came around to see Kenma, he was talking to chibi-chan, and he told me the news. Congratulations on being appointed captain!” Kuroo says, giving him a true smiles, and Yamaguchi flinches. Kuroo stops a few steps away from him. His eyebrows are raised, and he has this knowing expression on his face, like he is not surprised at all by Yamaguchi’s reaction. Like he knows something - But then again, Kuroo always looked like this, didn’t he? A strange mix of looking like he doesn’t respect the elders, while also looking and acting as if he were an elder himself. As if he knew too much, even though he was not even 20 years old. Yamaguchi wasn’t quite sure how he did it, but it was slightly unnerving, and one of the reasons why he had always found him terrifying, despite both Tsukishima and Hinata always saying he was actually a big nerd. 

“How did you know I would be here?” Yamaguchi asks, confused, because in all honesty, even he had no idea he was coming to the court until he was already there, coat off, repetaly hitting the ball.

“ I did the same when they declared me captain.” Kuroo says, with a shrugg “It’s awful, isn’t it? To feel you’re not good enough” he asks, and Yamaguchi blinks. He didn’t really expect Kuroo of all people, to understand that. He didn’t look like someone who doubted himself at all.

But then again, considering that his best friend was Tsukishima of all people, Yamaguchi probably should know better than to judge people by their appearance.

Yamaguchi nodded, slowly, eyes stuck on the floor. He squeezed the ball in his hands, feeling the old leather against the callous in his hands. The feeling was familiar, grounding, something real - even though nothing else felt like it.

“ It’s a heavy weight - being team captain.” Kuroo offers, taking the ball away from him. Yamaguchi looks up and blinks, confused as he watches Kuroo walk backwards. “Can be a bit scary.” he continues, as he creates distance in between them. When there are a few meters in there, he throws the ball up and gives it a light toss in Yamaguchis direction. He scatters a bit, but receives it throwing it back. It repeats a few times, in silence.

“When you had your first game” Yamaguchi starts, hesitant “Were you scared, Kuroo-san?”

“Nah” Kuroo says, receiving the ball, and Yamaguchi looks down, disappointed but not surprised “I was terrified.” Yamaguchi looks up, eyes wide, and it’s good because the ball is going to him again. He receives it, letting it float on the air before hitting it back, now with a slight smile on his face.

“Really?” he asks, and Kuroo nods, smirking.

“I was so afraid of not being good enough or that the team wouldn’t see me as captain, or just would ignore me or I would just make one bad decision after the other. God the first time we lost, I cried like a baby for a good hour under the shower. I felt like a huge failure, like I let everyone down.” he says and Yamaguchi gulps. He can’t even imagine such a thing - he thinks he might die. 

“Oh” he says, suddenly feeling like it’s a little harder to breath, his anxiety a little higher.

“Yeah...And you know what?” Kuroo asks and Yamaguchi hums, to focused on tossing the ball and holding the anxieties inside his head at bay. 

“They didn’t even care.” Kuroo tells him, chuckling a little “They were like ‘good game man, we’ll get it next time. And they were commenting on what they did wrong, and they could get better and which drills I had planned next, and all that” he tells him, and relief fills Yamaguchi’s chest. He understands that. He doesn’t think he had ever blamed Daichi or Ennoshita for their losses. They were a team after all.

“That’s nice” Yamaguchi tells him softly, tossing the ball.

“Yeah, it really was” Kuroo says, catching the ball and holding it. Yamaguchi stares at him, the break of their game bringing back his hesitations. Kuroo sighs. “Listen, you’re going to lose, that’s a fact. More than once. It is going to happen, because volleyball is a competitive game and that’s what happens.” He says, and Yamaguchi finds himself once more swallowing dry and too close to heaving “But you’re also going to win.” Kuroo tells him, and there’s a look in his eyes, the type of sparkle that is created by years of memories inside a court, bringing pride to his friends and his team. “And that's a promise. You just gotta focus on what matters, Yama-chan. Pay attention to your friends inside the team, see how you can help them. Look at Karasuno not for who they are but what they can be. And then see what you can do to get them there.” 

Yamaguchi gulps, and nods, quickly. When Kuroo throws the ball in the air and hits - harder than he had done before - Yamaguchi receives it with no problems. Strong. Stable. Reliable.

Captain.

Kuroo smiles at him, and Yamaguchi smiles back, feeling excited for the first time that night. 

“You’ll be fine Yama-chan, you’ll be fine. I’m sure Karasuno will be lucky to have you as their captain. You’ll make them fly higher than ever before” Kuroo tells him, making his way towards the door again. He stops and looks over his shoulder, eyebrow raised “Gotta promise me one thing tho - make the garbage dump battle happen again.” Yamaguchi laughs, and nods at him.

“I promise” he says

“That means taking your team to nationals” Kuroo says with a pointed look. Yamaguchi smiles, confident.

“I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed! If you'd like to see me yelling more about captain Yamaguchi and Kuroo, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ffskuroo)!!


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